The Retail Outlet

She came into work crying.  None of the customers noticed.  I don’t think she even noticed.  I could see the beginnings of one small tear form along her lower lid as she started folding the new line of clothing.

I wanted to hug her.  That’s not quite accepted in Seattle, I’ve come to find out.  Fuck it, I thought.  She’s from Atlanta.  I’m sure they hug down there.

She couldn’t look me in the eye.  So I came up from behind and wrapped my arms around her.  Being at least six inches taller, I felt a dominant ease to the situation.  I could feel her tenseness.  She turned around and thanked me, with an audibly forced tone.  Then she began to tear as her eyes caught mine.

That was the wrong thing to do, I thought.  She ran into the back and didn’t come out for awhile.  And the store continued on.  A woman came up to me directly after the incident and asked what color jacket I liked better on her.  It was obvious the aquamarine was most beautiful, but I knew she would only buy black.  Did it really matter what my answer was?

My coworker came back out onto the floor and preceded on with the day.  Stuff to do, things to clean, clothes to fold.  I thought about asking her if she wanted to talk, but we weren’t that close.  I wanted to let her know that I would listen to her story, let her cry on my shoulder.  But no one wants to do that with a stranger.  Or do they?

Later in the day I told her about my homeopathy appointment.  “So they asked if you smelled bad and if you hated your mother?  And this is supposed to help you?” she gleaned with open eyes.  She was always very curious about my “hippie” ways as she called them.

“Well, I don’t hate my mother”  she continued on without waiting for my response “but sometimes, lately, a lot, I feel like crying.”

Being someone who was trained early on to think crying was a form of defeat, I understood her frustration and embarrassment.  Or perhaps, I only understood mine and could only see myself in her reflection.  “Crying is just another outlet”  I told her, like exercise, laughing, or screaming, painting wildly, cooking madly, and dancing until you can’t feel your legs anymore.

“We should definitely go dancing sometime.”  It was mutual.

We followed each other around for the rest of the day, despite store policy.  Her wide grin and Georgian accent only made situations more tolerable.  I’m not sure ignoring the white elephant was therapeutic, but it was what she wanted.  Or was it?

We have a date to eat cheap tacos next week.  It was my suggestion.  Of course, only after she told me how much she loves them, the place she likes to eat them, and the day and time they are the cheapest.

Large Man, Small Coffee Table

"And a small cup of coffee at that" my friend commented.  I was sitting in a coffee shop much too late at night to be drinking coffee.  Their decaf was chemically treated, so I decided to have regular instead (mistake).

He was sitting at the smallest table on it's solitary chair, smack dab in the middle of the shop.  His fingers rimmed the espresso shot he had already finished.  He was staring through the large floor to ceiling windows, but I got the feeling he wasn't waiting for anything to look at.  He wasn't anywhere but in his own mind.

I ask him if I could take his picture.  "But look normal" I suggest at second thought.  The smile on his face was beautiful; truly heart lifting.  Maybe he gives it to everyone.  Maybe he took the question as a compliment.  Maybe this particular sporadic interaction brought about a completely raw emotion that he was neither feeling prior or expecting.  It was but a reflection of himself.

I took the picture and then grabbed a chair from a nearby table to join him.

Me: So what brings you out here, particularly this late at night?

Him:  I’m just waiting for a friend to get off.  I don’t really drink coffee, but this place seemed cozy enough.

M:  You don’t drink coffee and opted for an espresso shot at 10:30pm?

H:  Yeah, well.  I don’t make good choices in life.

His smile is so encompassing, I couldn’t help but smile back, despite that there was obviously nothing to be happy about in such a statement.

M:  Where do you work?

H:  Nintendo.

M:  So you play with toys all day.

H:  I’m actually a programmer.  It’s really all the same, whether you’re writing code for NASA or a video game.

M:  But you like it...

H:  Yeah, well it’s a job.  I actually went to school for theater.

[pause]

H:  But like I said, I don’t make good choices in life.

M:  Do you at least still enjoy theater from time to time?

H:  As often as I can.  That’s actually what I’m doing right now.  I’m waiting to go see a friend perform.  He doesn’t go on until 10:45 or so.  Which means I’ll have to leave you soon.

M:  No worries.  What’s he performing.

H:  Oh, he’s in a burlesque show.  But he doesn’t notice me much.

We continued our conversation through a range of irrelevant topics, specifically that of the absurd division of science and spirituality, sparked no doubt by the book he noticed me reading at the coffee shop.  The animation and fire behind his theories, ideas and ideals was empowering.  I knew he secretly wanted to save the world.  But would never start the process.

And when he left, I couldn’t help but feel a deep pang of emotion.  Was this man happy?    Was he perhaps fueled by the martyrdom of his own life and fooling everyone otherwise? Maybe he was momentarily hung up on the unattainable “friend” in the burlesque show and couldn’t see beyond it.

So where ever you are: I hope the performance was everything you hoped for.  Scratch that.  I hope you find your happiness, whether or not it’s hidden behind beautiful men and sequins.  Oh and my friend saw your picture.  He would like your number soon.

Solitary but Social

"Solitary but social" is a type of social organization where individuals forage separately, yet some individuals sleep in the same location or share nests. Female home ranges usually overlap while those of males do not. Males usually do not associate with other males, and male offspring are usually evicted upon maturity. Among primates, this form of social organization is most common among nocturnal, prosimian species. Examples of species that can be categorized under this type of social organization include mouse lemurs, lorises, and orangutans. 

1. ^ Sussman, R.W. (2003). "Chapter 1: Ecology: General Principles". Primate Ecology and Social Structure. Pearson Custom Publishing. p. 29. ISBN 978-0-536-74363-3.

Excerpt from Wikipedia.  Of course.